Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Thank you, Friend.

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!" Psalm 34:8. My mom has a verse for each of her children, and that is mine.

I have been mulling this post over more than most. It began as a tribute to this blog being a vehicle of vulnerability the past four years, but I knew I could not tell the small story of this blog without recognizing God. Yikes. Avid followers certainly have heard mention of God, but it does not make the public confession less intimidating. It is easy to casually acknowledge the existence of a higher being, but to claim He is actively working in your life is bold. Readers may consider me foolish and silly or worse, roll their eyes, thinking, "Dancing Anna at two o'clock on a Saturday night does not scream Christianity.*" It is certainly comfortable to tell stories of awkward moments or random musings, both of which are all too real. This is real, too, though, and it would be a disservice to all parties for me to write only about what I felt was safe.

From a young age, I was taught the practicality of God. A common mantra of my church's leaders was, "We believe this because it works." Not because it is easy or lavish, but because God's power and presence is undeniable. The underlying caveat of this is that it does not always work within the confines of your desires, and thus ensues the battle of will versus surrender. I have fought this battle numerous times, and upon reflection, find that only when I relinquish an arrogant insistence on self-reliance do I find myself fully aware of God's intricate planning.

For the sake of relative brevity*, we will begin this account at the turn of the New Year. I took a short online marketing course instructed by Seth Godin, my favorite of marketing gurus, and a simple seed was planted: I want to create. I did not know how, when or what. I was by no means unhappy in my current position but recognized that while I was contributing, I was not creating, and while my career trajectory could lead to the upper echelons of middle management, that would not ultimately satisfy me. I assumed God would call me to act upon this seed at some point in the distant future, especially because quitting a job twice in two years could be considered resume suicide. Wrong again, Anna. Have I not learned this lesson before?

At the beginning of last month, I felt a bit stagnate so shifted focus to adjusting aspects of life within my control. The first was fitness. My need to justify the exorbitant price of Crossfit already compels me to work out five times a week, so I began eating strict paleo, anticipating an improvement in performance. The second was stimulating my mind in a productive manner; I registered for the GMAT, knowing the scores last five years and business school could be an option. Of course, I would rather bypass the debt associated with obtaining an MBA, but studying for the test keeps doors open and is a better use of my spare time than eating bacon and watching the entirety of The Wire. Arguably.

As far as aspects outside my control, I made a concerted effort to earnestly give those to God. I prayed God would show me what was next in His plan while opening my heart to all possibilities, no matter the discomfort they may bring - though I prefered He did not call me to a convent, because abstaining from all forms of alcohol, though tolerable, was proving a bit difficult.

The final weekend of April, my pastor spoke of God using an act most personal to Peter, fishing, to reach him. He then encouraged us to pray for a similar revelation, and so I did. Later that week, I received an email asking if I had interest in a position at a local start-up. The position entailed various admin, personnel and ad hoc duties; it also offered the opportunity to help build their marketing program. Immediately, I got butterflies - the ones you get before a rival tennis match that scream, "This is it." When we met to discuss the position, I received a compliment that ranks in the top three of all time - it may even surpass Sam Bradford telling me he liked my hat at Foxfield 2012. They read my blog and were impressed with my style and flow.* Indeed, God used my most personal act, my writing, as a means to reveal Himself.

God is neat. I say neat for two reasons. It has a slightly juvenile connotation, and God's manner of working evokes a child-like sense of wonderment in me. A liquor poured neat is pure and smooth, unadulterated by opulent embellishments. At first glance, it may seem as though this came lavishly out of the blue, but it did not. Among other practical factors such as the company's need for personnel and my qualifications, it stemmed from a consistent effort to be authentic. When I began writing, I did not anticipate the journey leading anywhere in particular. I wrote when I felt ridiculous, sad, nostalgic or simply for the discipline of writing. I occasionally tracked my dashboard* to see how many times my blog had been viewed, allowing myself to wonder who may be reading and how my writing may affect them. Whenever I wrote, I held true to my promise that it would be honest, and God used that in a manner I had not considered.

There have been plenty of times the past four years I have given situations to God and he has closed doors that I, in my finite wisdom, would have preferred open. Retrospectively, I am always grateful He did. I am genuinely pumped for what lies ahead, as it is an opportunity to work hard, learn, create and make an impact.

I have other seeds: I want to live in a city and Spanish speaking country; I want to travel to Eastern Europe, attend every tennis grand slam; I want to be CMO, own a restaurant; I want to get married, coach college tennis, compete in an Ironman. I do not know if all or none of these will come to fruition, but I do know that refusing to settle means change will be an inevitable part of life. The comfort that God is real and He works makes those transitions exhilarating rather than daunting.

So, yes, I thank you for being a means of sincerity and personal growth. More than that, I thank God for working in a way that is so unmistakably relevant to me, I would be foolish not to follow.


*Of course I do not always behave like Christ. Hence, the need for Christ.
*Am I ever actually brief?
*Bahhh I have style and flow!
*And then got sad when I realized I was tracking my own pageviews.