On Waiting

I avoided writing tonight by marathoning HIMYM, both indulging in and rolling my eyes at Ted Mosby's hopelessly romantic, sometimes moronic behavior. After seven episodes, I turned in for the evening. Perhaps it was because my fan is broken, and I am sleeping in a silent room for the first time in many years, but my mind was racing. It compelled me to write.

I turned in my graduate school applications. Hours of writing and editing, and a lot of Benjamins later, I have shipped off a $250 Anna package to four schools. That package contains me and a vision for my future that has grown stronger through this process- one I believe is from the Lord. And now comes my least favorite part. Waiting.

Harvard released the first batch of interviews at noon today. They release a second batch on Thursday, and on October 14th, they release the final batch. I wish I did not know this. I sat at my desk, counting down the minutes until noon (while doing work of course), and opened my email at 12:03, just to give the email time to travel through space. It wasn't there.

I kind of knew it wouldn't be. You see, I have been reading this devotional my mom gave me nearly every day for four years. I love it. First of all, there are eloquent quotes, and I love a good quote. Second, each year when I read it, different portions ring truer to me. This year has been about waiting, and this morning, the verse read, "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him." David commands himself to rest and wait. It's not natural. But God wants us to find rest in Him, and I think sometimes He puts us in situations where we have no choice but to rest in Him. If I had received an email that I was chosen for an interview, my mind would have been racing with answers. Instead, I had a nice chatsky with God in my fire escape this evening. And watched HIMYM.

The supporting quote in today's devotional from Anthony Thorold is, "God will always find us a work to do, a niche to fill, a place to serve, no, even a soul to save, when it is His will, and not ours, that we desire to do; and if it should please Him that we should sit still for the rest of our lives, doing nothing else but waiting on Him, and waiting for Him, why should we complain? This is the patience of the saints."

It is not my place to worry about my future. It's not in my hands. So I will wait. For two days, two months, or longer. And I think it is most valuable to say that during the process, rather than retrospectively, which is why I am writing past my bedtime.