Frankly, I'm surprised it's taken doughnuts this long to enter my blog. I could have reminisced about the maple long john from Ricard's, a special after school treat, and my first introduction to creme filling. I could have told you about the time I inadvertently consumed four donuts and couldn't zip my dress for my cousin's wedding. To make it up to doughnuts, they will be the subject of my first two part blog. Today, I will elaborate on how I came to have a half dozen doughnuts accompanying me, and tomorrow, I will give you a window into my inner dialogue regarding the strategy of consuming said doughnuts.
I was in Philadelphia for a marketing and brand management forum the past couple days. Exciting, yes, but perhaps even more exciting was the conference location - a block from Reading Terminal, home to Beiler's, the donuts of legends. When I say legends, I mean Lydia's endless pontifications and swoonings. It is, of course, the subject of many pontifications, giving credence to the belief that the Amish and Mennonite traditions have the strongest pastry foundation of the hyper-zealous religious sects. My theory is that, being restricted in more areas than, for example, Mormons, pastries have become an outlet for decadent indulgence. And this particular bakery is the marriage of an Amish and a Mennonite! I would have invested in it based on that, but having had the doughnuts once before, I knew they were the perfect roadtrip companion.
After two and a half days of listening, participating, networking (which still feels slightly akin to what I imagine speed dating to be), I deserved a reward. After all, the biggest challenge my brain had conquered the past three months was converting to Baht to Ringgit to USD. I entered Reading Terminal and promised myself not to get distracted by all the other goodness. No chocolate. No cookies. No cupcakes. Just doughnuts. I was doing well until a homeless woman asked me to buy her a sandwich. With my blue dress, blonde hair, hopeful glimmer in my eyes, I definitely had sucker written all over my face. Nevertheless, I find it hard to turn down a request for food, so I bought her a sandwich, knowing the kind butcher probably pinned me as a sucker as well. O well... now I felt better about all the times I said no to donating a dollar to the children's fund while checking out at CVS last week, and I bought myself a beef brisket sandwich that would prove to be crucial sustenance needed to counteract my forthcoming immense sugar intake.
A brief diversion. Now - to Beiler's! There was no question I needed to buy a half dozen instead of one. I couldn't deny myself that flavor variety. A girl approached and asked if I was ready. Are you kidding me? This is the biggest decision I have made this year. Of course I'm not ready.
First, some ground rules. I approach dessert and fruit like I do work and relationships. Sure, I may occasionally flirt between the two, but never will the latter be the the dominate ingredient in the former. So no jelly.
Potato or cake: Pretty apathetic. Creme and frosting are my priorities, and I think those doughnuts are normally not potato.
Candy and cereal - I want to taste something I can't find at 7/11. M&Ms? Not appealing. Sprinkles. Cute, but not a must.
Glaze vs frosting. Frosting. 9 times out of 10.
Creme. I'm unapologetically racially biased regarding creme. I don't touch the yellow. I prefer my creme whipped, not custardy. Same goes for the black. While I generally love chocolate in all forms, be it frosting, cake, fudge, brownie, I'm opposed to dark creme in my doughnut. I think this is because I like chocolate so much in its plain form, that I want the doughnut to be an entirely different experience for my sweet tooth. My one exception would be nutella creme - someone, please stuff a doughnut with Nutella.* I'm flexible with brown, as it indicates a variety of flavors - peanut butter, yes, mocha, maybe, depending on my mood. Fruit? See first point. White. Love it. The perfect balance of sugar and heavy creme, whipped to perfection.
Also, the creme needs to occupy at least 60% of inner donut region. If I don't break the creme barrier by bite two, I'm questioning your legitimacy as a vendor. To that point, I like a little oozing from the side to assure me this will not be the case.
You can see why this process was so time consuming, but I finally approached the counter and chose:
Salted caramel - easy decision. Fan fave. It's hard to go wrong with the salty/sweet combo.
Elvis - wild card due to the banana creme, but it has peanut butter frosting and bacon. Sold.
Maple bacon - Another bacon, yes, but nothing says doughnut like maple, bacon, and creme frosting. Another sweet/salty classic.
Peanut butter - Since they had sold out of the nutella doughnut, this seemed a good second choice. Peanut butter or chocolate frosting? Toss up, but I decided peanut butter frosting with a light chocolate drizzle. Again, I don't love chocolate as the overwhelming flavor of a doughnut.
Pumpkin potato donut - fine, I'll get a donut with a hole.
Maple walnut - I panicked on this one. In retrospect, I could have added a different varietal since I already had a maple, but this one had maple innards as well.
I walked back to my hotel, half dozen in hand, strategically planning my trip home. I obviously needed to try them all. Did I want to finish them all? How would I make sure this didn't happen if I didn't want it to? How would I avoid a sugar coma? My thoughts were interrupted as I entered the hotel and saw a few of the conference attendees.
I considered offering them a share of my treasure. Afterall, we had just been told the importance of exposure, and what if one day they are ruling the world and remember the time I shared this tasty goodness. Or, what if someone wanted the salted caramel? Not worth the risk. I skirted by the group and to my vehicle.
Tomorrow, join me as I answer the questions - how do I maximize each bite? Do I really want to exert a bite on the pumpkin donut? Am I going to try to preserve any doughnuts for others? Is it socially acceptable to just lick the creme filling?
*Beiler's does have a Nutella frosted, but I believe it has white creme.
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